New Book – Life Beyond Expectations


Since two years, I had completely isolated myself from the blogging world so, I have made a comeback for the better of course! I have a news for all my readers – I am coming up with my new novel, “Life Beyond Expectations”. If you have landed up here by any mysterious games by Google then you can check out my other books here.

Here’s what the blurb of the book’s cover say!

Life beyond Expectations narrates the story of Tanya, a young girl with millions of ambiguous yearnings. A shattering departure without an announcement happens to Tanya at a tender age. From then on, she finds the true love of her life in the writings of Browning and Fitzgerald. Yet, she longs for a shoulder to cry on to simplify the suddenly turned down upside life. Tanya drifts further away from her family when she disposes of herself with politics and a charming politician. Eventually, she faces bloodshed with a terrible separation – leaving Tanya in an utterly depressed state.
A job at an inclusion school brings her face-to-face with reality where she discovers a direful secret about her upbringing. Unlike the times, Tanya chooses to follow her family shedding away the burns of the past. Tanya’s percipience comes to light when her mother and a friend opens up to her about the agony she has faced all her life.

Life Beyond Expectations explores a vivid picture of exceptional children born in upscale families. The story invites the readers to confront their own rebuttal with their families.

And, below is the jacket of the book which I have designed myself 😀
More details will be very soon up in this post.





Six Years without you!

There is bravery in loving, even after the pain. Even from afar. Even with nothing in return.

Hey Utkarsh,

It’s been really, really long when you and I sat with each other and spoke through written words. It’s been really long that I wrote to you, it’s been really long that I touched to you. This longing is happening for six years. Six Years. Six Years is a really long time. Six years mean 2,190 days, Six years mean 52,560 hours, and Six years mean 3,153,600 minutes, and Six years mean 189, 219, 600 seconds.

They say, “When you lose someone special, you gain a God”. They say, it right! You have been there by my side with each passing year, month, weeks, days, minutes and seconds. I know it, I feel it. You know, I could have never ever mustered up the courage to communicate with you through these words of mine. I combine 26 letters of the vocabulary every day and make a living out of it. Thank You, Utkarsh. Thank You, for leaving me with a power, I would have never found on my own.

I started penning down the breathings of my heart when you left for your humble abode six years ago. Six years mean a lot. There will be sixteen, sixty and perhaps many more years where you will not be there by my side. I, or for that matter anyone in this universe does have the power to bring you back physically in this world. But, I can make you live for eternity through these voices that pinch my ears and tell me, ‘Talk to Utkarsh’, he is listening. You do listen. I know. You have always lent an ear when I feel alone, vulnerable and lost.

There have been days when I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and beg for your existence. But, you’re adamant and so is the Almighty’s choice. My love, I just want to let you know today, that you are not missed. You are fondly cherished and I know that you will always be there with me, through thick and thin. I have stopped missing you. I have stopped calling out your name when a new face asks me about you.

Utkarsh, you left this world and me with a void that can never ever be filled. I still look back on the day, when I saw you for the first time just after I had missed a basketball goal at my school’s court. I remember you telling me, “You’re an amateur at playing basketball” and how I faked a laugh right brushing away the dust of the game. I still am, an amateur, haven’t graduated to a pro! My God, time is such a funny thing.

I have passed that school, passed a college, started with jobs and look where we are today! I know, you are somewhere resting in peace, where there is no commotion of the daily mundane routines. Where people live in peace, where there are no worries and only smiles. I wish, I could be there with you. I just wish, sometimes… Where, I won’t have to prove my existence with each passing day. Where there is no running no coming back.

I published a few books, some of them are silly, and some have them have a mention of you. I hope you are proud. I cross that street often where you and I used to meet. I see a faded image of you and me talking here, where I tell you how much life has changed after you. I have emerged stronger, but there is a constant heat in my stomach. I have met new people after you said goodbye, you’d be glad to meet some of them.

A few are funny girls and stupid boys exactly like the company you wanted me to have. I wish we could share a drink together, all of us. Can’t, right? I have fell down a lot many times after we last exchanged glances. I have met with a few physical injuries here and there, been rejected and two of the boys broke my heart too. I know, you would punch them on the face. Don’t worry, we won’t seek revenge, we won’t punch them on the face! Stop smiling, I am talking, here! My family has advanced on so many levels and so has my living.

There are alone nights when I wake up panting my breath, because I dream about you – that you’re alive and this is all a joke, the universe is playing with me. I get back to normalcy towards the dawn and carry on with another day. I go to that park at times, where I went six years ago when I heard the news of you! I have a special place in my heart for those stars that saw what I’ve been through. I long for a terrace as such, so that I could just feel your hand on my head.

Six years is a long time, Utkarsh. I do not cry anymore. I laugh at odd moments and I still never cease to believe in true love. Crucial moments in my life demand your thoughts, your guidance and support. I think about you and go with what my heart says. You’d be happy to know that I make you and everyone else around me proud. This is the least I can do.

I am furious with this law of nature, to separate a special one through death. They just go, they never breathe again, their heart never beats, and they sleep. Like, forever. Did you meet Dad at your residence? He might be somewhere around, look for him and say my ‘hey’! I don’t miss the both of you, I miss the happy times and laugh at the memories. Those memories are a treasure. Your passing away has made me what I never thought of becoming. Thank You, Utkarsh that’s all I have to say.

Saumya Kaushik

Just, don’t ever take that guardian angel away from me. A friend of mine, Shweta, helped me a lot to forget about you, right after I didn’t know how to even cross those narrow roads, she did her best. I can’t thank her enough. I so wish you two could meet.

Well, there are others too… One of them is exactly like me, one of them is a saviour, one of them is like a baby to me and one of them is a 4 am friend. There was a time when darkness was my friend and I couldn’t get much dumber by staying in that cocoon of mine. I had to open up. It was high time. I am happy, alive and kicking! 🙂 Just that I am getting old, while you are in some cradle enjoying new glances of your new parents and siblings. Do me a favour, return back in my life as a reader, please!

Will we ever meet again? I don’t know. Are you out there alive, somewhere? I don’t know. Six Years have changed a lot. Rest in Peace, my dear Utkarsh, I tell you every day.

16th June 2018

Saumya Kaushik

Night after Night

Night after Night
A memory moves to the grave.
Night after Night
I think of that first “hello”
Night after Night
I torment that “Goodbye” 
Night after Night
I wait for your sign,
Night after Night
My dreams watch our love whine.
Night after Night
I recall that fight,
Night after Night
I watch you slowly go.
Night after Night
Pain burns from my walls.
Night after Night
I recall those cries and joys.
Night after Night

Night after Night
You sleep with a smile, 
Night after Night
I sleep with a sigh.

* वक़्त *

वक़्त ज़्यादा तो नहीं हुआ, पर इतना तो बीत ही चुका है कि अब ना तो स्कूल की छुट्टियाँ होती हैं, और ना ही अब नानी के घर जाना हो पाता है।

पर आज आई हूँ मैं फिर एक बार, बहुत वक़्त बाद। वक़्त बहुत बीत चुका है, पर इतना भी नहीं कि सब बदल गया हो। वो मोड़ जिसमें से नानी का घर साफ दिखाई पड़ता था, उस मोड़ से मुड़ते ही दिखे मुझे मेरे नाना जी, घर के बाहर मेरा इंतज़ार करते। मैंने कहा ना, वक़्त इतना भी नहीं बदला। मैं रिक्शा से उतरी और उन्हें गले मिली। कितने कमज़ोर हो गए हैं वो। दिल भर सा आता है।

कदम जैसे ही अंदर बढ़े, मानो मैं घिर गई यादों के एक बवंडर में। मुझे दिखने लगा वो वक़्त जब हम आया करते थे गर्मियों की छुट्टियों में। दिखने लगा वो वक़्त जिसमें शोर था, हंसी थी, अनगिनत बातें थीं। जब हम घर की चौखट पर बैठ कर बतियाते थे और नानी माँ हाथ में पंखा लेकर हमें हवा करती थीं। बड़ा सा गोल चश्मा उनका, याद है मुझे। वो जो आलू के परांठे पर इतना प्यार डाल कर परोसती थी हमें, भूली नहीं हूँ मैं आज भी। वो शाही टुकड़े, जिनपर नानी कटे बादाम और खोया डाल दिया करती थी। मैं आज भी माँ से कहती हूँ, आप वैसे शाही टुकड़े नहीं बना सकती।


इससे पहले कि मैं यादों के बवंडर में डूब जाती, मैं संभल गयी और अंदर बढ़ी, सारे घर का मुआयना करने। आज भी ड्राइंग रूम में वही पेंटिंग लगी है जो माँ को उनकी सहेली ने उनकी सगाई पर गिफ्ट की थी। वो स्टोर रूम जिसमें सिरहाने और चादर रखी होती है, उसकी ख़ुशबू आज भी बिलकुल वैसी है। वो रसोई जहाँ बैठ कर मैं छोटी मासी के साथ खूब बातें किया करती थी। वो छोटी सी घुरनि जहाँ हम छुपन छुपाई खेलते वक़्त छुपा करते थे। घर का हर एक कोना वैसा ही है। हर एक कोने में अनेकों यादें छुपी हैं। वो एक छोटा सा आईना जिसमें मैं बचपन में खुद को निहारा करती थी। अब मेरा कद उस आईने से बढ़ गया है , क्या इस बात से अंदाज़ा नहीं लगाया जा सकता कि वक़्त कितना आगे बढ़ गया है?

एक दम से हर कोना शांत हो गया। वो शांत ही है अब। क्या मैं कुछ आंसू नहीं गिरा सकती?

यहाँ आने से पहले किसी ने पूछा था, कहाँ जा रही हो? ज़ुबाँ से फिसलते शब्दों को रोक कर मैंने कहा “नाना जी के घर”। दिल चीख कर यही कह रहा था “नानी के घर”। मैंने कहा ना, वक़्त बदला है, पर इतना भी नहीं।

~सृष्टि बठला

Daughter of a drunkard monk- A novel by Saumya Vivek Kaushik

Roaring Tiger 1857


Book Review: “Daughter of a Drunkard Monk”

Author: Saumya Kaushik
 Omji Publishing House Pvt. Ltd. (1 February 2015)

ISBN-10: 9384028134

ISBN-13: 978-9384028138

Genre: Fiction

Rating: 4/5


The Indian literary scene is bursting at the seams with new authors, new plots (almost, and sometimes contrived), new ambitions and new hopes (for some of us at least). And amidst all of this, as a reader, I am often perplexed and overwhelmed. I don’t know what to read some times. It is not about choice. It is about the quality of writing. It is about the writing that is intellectually laced and about the kind of writing that aims to reach out to everyone. In all of this, there is the kind of book that is mid-way – somewhere there but not appeasing to the masses (or not aiming to at least) and yet it does. “Daughter of a Drunkard…

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A Day Without You

Call myself to you
I am barren and brown,
without your water
I want to seek,
Your light
Your wisdom
Your joys
Your pains
Our Love
Our Agony
Our Wisdom
Call Me, Call Me Love…
Call myself to you,
I am barren from betrayals
I am done with the world
I long for your hand
I shed every tear
And continue to stand…
Call myself to you
I shall never grow
I shall never reap
I shall never see
Call myself to you
You were my light
You were my night
And, I can never be
A Day without You
Saumya Kaushik

If Only…

If Only, I could control my mind,
I would be much sane.
If only I could tell that girl,
Her efforts are not vain.
If only, I could sleep a night sound,
I would be much sane.
If only, I could tell that demon,
To not leave me in disdain.
If only, I could tell that mother,
I would be much sane.
If only, I could control my mind,
I would be much sane.
If only, she knew her seeds,
Are now fountains.
If only, I could share that pain,
I would be much sane.
If only I could control my mind,
I would be much sane.
If only, the beggar knew,
Lies no magic in his mountains.
If only, I could control my mind,
There would be no pain.
If only, the girl, the mother, the picker
were not fighting from pain.
If only, they knew they would be much sane.
If Only…

An Open Letter to Nirbhaya…

Dear Nirbhaya,
It has been four years since you left us with a void, an inner question, and scream. A question that we ask amongst ourselves about that dreaded night of December 16th. A scream of angst against the baseless societal norms that still haven’t changed till date.
It has been four years and still hundreds like you plead to be saved and have their cases pending or are either dead. You were a voice, a voice to this blind and dumb nation that overlooked what it meant to be a girl.
You were an inspiration, a ray of hope, a fire inside every heart… You were a revolution. You taught us that we cannot take this victimization anymore.
It has been four years and we haven’t recovered of everything that happened past your demise. We haven’t forgotten you, brave heart. We haven’t forgotten your sacrifice and the question that you left with us.
Your untimely death was not a message but a fire that still ignites when we hear…
It was a case which could have happened to any normal Delhi girl.
It has been four years and you did teach us that this was not about you, it was a message that you left us “That I want to be there, amongst all of you. Live alike all of you.” It was you who set the bar and it was you who fought back when that accident happened. For us, a rape of a five-year-old, a sixty-year-old, and a passenger in an Uber are all harsh reminders of brutality that you faced.
It has been four years and you have done so much for us. Many of us may not realize this, but you my beloved was a voice for all of us.
Stalking, voyeurism, harassing came recognized as crimes against all of us. It is not an idea of fun of picking up a woman and rape her. It is not what a MAN does to prove his gender.
It has been four years but you educated all of us without books – no matter how horrendous the abuse be; we cannot afford to stay quiet. No matter if they call an abuse a stigma on us, we have to speak up.
We are not objects, we have a choice, and we have the freedom to choose.
It has been four years and still the calls to “100” ring every second.
It is the same Delhi, same people but you have opened our eyes to not hush up the matter and not flee away when a PCR passes by. Living in a metropolitan city and being afraid of men is just not weakening us, but weakening the whole foundation of the women society.
It has been four years and you have changed what it meant to be abused. You have raised a question on police, our government, our system and us.
It has been four years and a father, an ex-lover, a husband, a boyfriend, a neighbor, a stalker, a stranger, a landlord, an employer, a gym instructor in the form of criminals are spared.
Entrenched patriarchy and male chauvinism of a very high order are still the biggest sources of this heinous crime.
But, beloved Jyoti Singh Pandey it has been four years but this society now understands that “RAPE IS RAPE”.
It has been four years and we will be forever indebted to you!
One of us and one like you…